Chance encounter, or perfectly planned Plot?

In the last post i mentioned i was "doing alright" i started writing that on thursday and didnt post till this evening, but everything changed late Friday night.

Late night Happy Hour was in full swing, 3 pitchers of cheap margaritas later, i had met a gentleman, whose name shall remain secret. There i was , basqing in the light of flattery. He was 32, successful and seemingly interested . The girls and i deicided to take the party a few doors down and i had asked "successful 32 year old" to come along. Minutes later I recieved a text mesage that sent the room spinning more than all 3 pitchers of margaritas. My wickedly handsome "exstranged" boyfriend was in town and had asked to see me. I wont ever repeat the content of that illicit text message, but lets just say it was exactly what i wanted. I panicked, felt sick to my stomach, but knew I HAD to leave. Right than and there , i realized i wasnt ready to date. Unless Channing Tatum or Mark Sanchez walked through the door, no man was charming, or handsome enough to stop me from seeing Steve. I excused myself for bailing , jumped in my car and was on my way home.

I had a million thoughts running through my mind. Why wasnt't i informed of this visit? was this a coincidence? or did he plan it? was i ready to do this? A couple hours, a freshen up, and an outfit change later, i was standing in front of the man i loved. There was no hesitation or awkwarness, we fell back into our roles. That night was amazing, and everything i'd been missing this last month. I had dwelled on the thought that i would never see him again and that night made me realize that even though it was complicated and perhaps not in the best of circumstances, it was far from over.

I knew that we weren't anywhere near a reconciliation. There was too much work to be done and not enough motivation to do it . Two days later we had lunch, and things felt normal again. I felt like I was having lunch with my boyfriend and I couldnt help but ask myself " why werent't we together?" I didnt want to be the bearer of bad news, but i knew we had a conversation pending. There were things that needed to be said in person and if i didnt say them now, i might not have another chance. I understood that time was not on our side, perhaps putting so much pressure on our future instead of allowing things to happen naturally was the cause of our demise. We really had no choice but to wait and see. After that weekend, we've started talking again and slowly getting to know eachother in a completly new light. The pressure of perfection is off, and im finding out things about him everyday, but more importantly things about myself.